We all dream of her, but when she comes into our lives, few can take her out and save her. Why is this happening? The statements of the psychotherapist Adam Philips about why love inevitably carries pain and frustration.

We fall in love not so much into a person as a fantasy about how a person can fill our inner void, according to Psychoanalyst Adam Filps. It is often called the "poet of frustration", it is her Philips who considers the basis of any human life. Frustration is a range of negative emotions from anger to sorrow that we experience when faced with a barrier on the way to the desired goal.

Filips believes that our uninhabited lives are those that we build in fantasy, imagine, often much more important for us than lives lived. We cannot literally imagine ourselves without them. What we dream about, what we long are - impressions, things and people who are not in our real life. The absence of the necessary forces us to reflect and develop and at the same time worries and depresses.

In his book “Lost” the psychoanalyst writes: “For modern people who are pursuing the possibility of choosing, a successful life is a life that we live in full force. We are obsessed with what is missing in our lives, and what prevents us from getting all the desired pleasures ”.

Frustration becomes a fuel of love. Despite pain, it has a positive grain. She acts as a desired goal somewhere in the future. So, we still have something to seek. Illusions, expectations are necessary for the existence of love, it does not matter whether this love or erotic parental.

All love stories - the story of an unsatisfied need. To fall in love is to get a reminder of what you were deprived of, and now it seems to you that you got it

Why love is so important to us? She temporarily surrounds us with the illusion of a dream that has comeable. According to Philips, “All love stories - the story of an unsatisfied need ... to fall in love means getting a reminder of what you were deprived of, and now it seems to you that you received it”.

It seems to be “” because love cannot guarantee you that your needs will be satisfied, and even if this happens, your frustration is transformed into something else. From the point of view of psychoanalysis, a person we really fall in love with is a man or woman from our fantasies. We invented them even before meeting with

them, nothing (nothing happens out of nothing), but on the basis of previous experience, at the same time real and invented.

We feel that we know this person for a long time, because in a certain sense we really know him, he is flesh and blood from ourselves. And because we literally have been waiting for a meeting with him for years, we feel that we have known this person for many years. At the same time, being an individual person with his character and habits, he seems to us. A familiar stranger.

And no matter how much we waited, and neither hoping, and neither dream of a meeting with the love of our life, only when we meet her, we begin to be afraid to lose her.